EASTERN BLOC Mail Order Bride 34: SEXY BRIDE & GROOM, NO SEXY FURNITURE (International Dating)

ENTER the relationship void of aesthetic perfection: a spontaneous DOCUMENTARY about a foreign mail order wife, by her new (and confused) American husband. As the groom, I may ultimately have chemistry with Tanja, my sexy new Eastern European bride … but I am also left without furniture of any kind — a struggling artist cannot lavish his new wife with too many things before he winds up with … nothing at all! Eastern European women may (in this case) be high maintenance — and EXPENSIVE — but this makes them painfully sexier: a new wife should never be dull in ANY language, right? In my own (highly eventful) marriage, I’ve gotten more than I bargained for: sexy Tanja is a wonderful blend of mystery and intellect — a bride who pulls no punches, yet knows how to kiss and make up … in a complicated, passionate relationship! (Can you tell if Tanja is Lithuanian, Russian, Georgian, Ukrainian, Romanian, Polish, Czech, Baltic, Slovenian, Moldovan, Estonian, Bulgarian, Croatian, Serbian, Finnish, Belarusian, Latvian, Armenian or … perhaps … from The Netherlands?) The wall-to-wall (decor-less) carpet in this episode may offer a sexy floor scene, but it’s devoid of logic in any language but MINE: the language of art — at the expense of ALL practicality (especially my own). I will never take the simplest bedroom furniture — let alone a complicated relationship–for granted… ever again! My confusing relationship with Tanja transcends all borders, international and …

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